![]() ![]() I played my part in slathering on a fair number of these types of phrases to position our services. It started toīecome yet another, more acceptable way of declaring, “serenity now!”īefore I get too far into this, I should disclose that I started my career designing and analyzing organizational assessments in all their varieties. While the original intention was to serve as a reminder that people equate their perceptions of their experiences as their reality, it soon became a way to justify inaction, unfair or uninformed judgements, or to pursue the easiest path forward. Like you, I’ve heard this phrase tossed around since the beginning of my career-some twenty plus years ago. However, for some, there seems to be a general acceptance that how they feel is valid now and forever, almost as an excuse for not exerting self-control. When a child says, “I hate you” to a disciplining parent, we usually agree it’s a temporary feeling and will pass once the sting of discipline has come and gone. However, I mostly see the phrase used to justify those “Heat of the Moment” feelings and to make the case that your perceptions are truth and are also valid for all eternity. On one hand, I can see that in the heat of the moment it is very helpful to understand what the other person is feeling or perceiving to gain common ground and reach understanding. Look for ways to teach your participants that it’s our responsibility to get all the meaning into the pool-and that the skill encourage testing helps us do just that.For the past five years or so, I’ve often heard the phrase “perception is reality” and it makes me cringe. (e.g., “What’s your view? I’d really like to hear it.”) One way to give both parties a little extra courage is to use the E skill. ![]() Let’s face it-stopping after STA can seem a little awkward. (e.g., “If I’m missing something, or haven’t gotten it right, I’m interested in hearing what that is.”)Ĥ. E gives us the chance to pause and make it clear that we’re not so much interested in being right as in having a clear picture of the entire situation. We might assume that the other person will just jump in and engage with us, but we need to give them room to formulate their response. ![]() Even when spoken tentatively, a good STA paints a detailed picture of where you’re coming from. (e.g., “How does this sound/look from your perspective?”)ģ. Give them space by encouraging them to challenge your position. The other person might be overwhelmed by your logic and expertise. If you are the subject matter expert or the problem solver of the issue you’re discussing, be extra careful to use E. (e.g., “If you see it differently, I’d love to hear your view.”)Ģ. How do you show concern for the feelings and opinions of the other person? Do so by clearly articulating that you’re so interested in dialogue they should speak up especially when they disagree. ![]() Your STA is your best guess, your hypothesis about the way things are. Consider the following when you use and teach this powerful skill.ġ. That E isn’t tacked on just to make a clever acronym, it’s there for a reason. Since we know from the get-go that there are different views on the subject, we also need to prepare to meet the other person where they are-maybe a bit caught off guard and apprehensive about our motive or where the conversation might be going.Įnter the “how” skills: talk tentatively and encourage testing. We’ve thought the issue through, planned and practiced, controlled our emotions and focused on what we really want so we can be persuasive by using our powerful reasoning as we STA!Īnd we should be excited! But let’s stop there for just a minute, because we don’t want our new level of enthusiasm to get in the way and shut the other person down. In my experience, participants are eager to put everything together into a formula that will permit them to speak up in tough situations. We’re full steam into Lesson 4 on STATE My Path. ![]()
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